The Concepts of Honne and Tatemae

Honne and tatemae are terms you may hear people use when describing the Japanese psyche.  Honne means true feelings and tatemae are things one might say or do to save face.  Both have a strong role in Japanese culture, but the concept of tatemae is something that can truly confuse and frustrate many western visitors to Japan.

Every culture has some degree of tatemae within it.  In English speaking countries it is common to say “Let’s do lunch”, or “I’ll call you.”, but a complaint that many foreigners to Japan have is that everybody says, “I’ll call you.”, or “Let’s go out sometime.”  In general you will find that these phrases are no more than space fillers and very rarely end up in you being inundated with social engagements.  “Why?” you may ask would somebody suggest you go out if they have no actual intention of doing so?  Well a lot stems from the idea of saving face.  Your Japanese companion may just want you to feel wanted, or more than likely, it is just the thing to say.  Similarly, people are often confused by the amount of dinner invitations to somebody’s home they are given that never actually eventuate.  Don’t take too much of this to heart.  If you are keen on becoming someone’s friend, initiate meeting for coffee or lunch.  On the other hand you will find if a Japanese person invites you over and truly means it, it is a great honor as in Japanese culture, it is not common practice to visit somebody’s house.  Not all Japanese people are going to give you fake invitations, but it is best to take them with a pinch of salt, rather than eagerly waiting for the phone to ring and clearing out your schedule for the next month in anticipation of your starlight social life.

Tatemae can be confusing and somewhat hypocritical even for the Japanese.  It is common to thank people when they have done nothing, and there are multitudes of set phrases that are used in Japanese work culture, all various ways to say thank you, sorry and to humble oneself, that you can hear on a daily basis.  It is unlikely that the employee who has just been shouted at by his boss is actual grateful for the yelling, but will say thank you to his boss, while bowing, for showing him the error of his ways. 

Many people attribute this concept of honne and tatemae to why it can be difficult for people to become close friends with Japanese.  The time it takes to break down barriers, and to foster an environment where all dialogue is honne and not tatemae may seem very long, however, once that relationship has been developed, your friendship is very strong indeed.